Full Circle

I'm beginning this post not too sure of what I'm gonna write.

What I'm sure however, is that I'm compelled to. For deep withing me, I sense that 2007 will be a different year. Why? I can't say for sure... perhaps it might be due to the fact that BOTH church & BSF are doing Romans this year... a book I've always wanted to cover in depth since 4 years ago.

It's as if God were saying to me, "Well, you wanted to cover it in depth right? Here's the opportunity on a silver platter. So don't try to laze off Adrian, as you usually do. I want you to know me from this book. Don't just try to accumulate Bible knowledge. Embrace my gospel and see what I've accomplished in my name. Fall on your knees, confess your sins and repent. Change your lifestyle O prodigal son and know that I love you so much and have chosen you to belong to me. For you know full well that NOTHING will be able to separate you from my love. NOTHING. "

10 years ago...

I knelled before him, terrified and trembling. What little ounce of courage I had left was spent trying to hold back tears. I couldn't afford to show him any fear but he knew... He knew that I had never been so afraid in my entire life. The thick incense in the room was suffocating and it took immense effort just to take that next breath. The stuffiness and humidity caused my back to be drenched in sweat but I was still shivering. Behind him stood a iron statue and its evil eyes glared at me. It seemed to pierce straight into my soul, stripping me bare and exposing me to his booming voice.

"You are bad, Adrian... and your guardian angel is sad. He wants to leave you and not bother about you anymore. I'm trying to persuade him to stay but he wants to go. Cos you have not been good. Remember that I'm the incarnate of (some god) and I have power. Don't try to play with me. All the Christians and Catholics who come here don't leave Christians or Catholics. They all see who I am and what I can do..."

That night, I stared at the ceiling, still shivering. I kept on hearing his voice... "You are bad... your guardian angel wants to leave you... I have power..." I used to be afraid of the dark when I was younger but now, the darkness seemed even more desolate and foreboding. I felt so... alone, abandoned, afraid. I never dared to tell my parents and couldn't even if I wanted to as they were out of town. I tossed and turned, the sheets in disarray with all my movement. For that moment, the knowledge that I was a Christian was a distant, forgotten concept... Until from amidst the darkness, this line came to my mind:

"neither death nor life, not angels nor demons.... separate us from the Love of God..."

With renewed hope, I leaped out of bed and rushed to my Bible, frantically flipping through page after page, looking for that life-line... and there it lay--Rom 8:38-39.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present or the future, not any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Rom 8:38-39

Oh sweet Word of God! Oh the wonderful power and love of Jesus! At that moment, it was like a tremendous light burst into my room and all darkness disappeared in fright. Over and over again, I read aloud those 2 verses. Oh the nectar that is the God's promise! How many times did I read those verses? A hundred? A thousand? I don't know. But what I do know is this: that night, with my Bible clutched to my chest and the page opened to Rom 8, I fell into one of the most peaceful night's sleep I had in my life. Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine!

In a sense, I've come full circle. The epistle that God used to comfort and reassure is now before me-- open and ripe for studying. 10 years on and I'm just as grateful to Christ for that redeeming love and act of propitiation. And I know now that if I should fear anything or anyone, it should be a fear for the Lord and not any created being or demon.

So, while I started out clueless as to what I should write for this blog entry, God has led me to share this testimony of mine; which few know of. He's leading me back to remembering AND testifying to His goodness, faithfulness and love. He's leading me back to the cornerstone of my faith--Jesus Christ and the gospel.

He's leading me back to Himself.

"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."

Rom 11:36